Dark.

It’s always dark now.

That’s not figurative or metaphorical.  That’s literal.

It’s dark when I wake up.  It’s dark when I travel to my temp job at a game company.  My cube is in the middle of the office; I have to stand up and walk to a window if I want to see daylight.  And there hasn’t been much of that recently.  It’s dark when I leave.

As I type this, I’m reminded that it’s winter solstice today.  Shortest day of the year.  Darkest, too.  Beginning around 4:30pm. 

Not trying to be depressing or imply anything here.  It’s just how it is in the Puget Sound in the winter.  It’s the price you pay for long beautiful summer days. 

Many say that the light shines on and reveals the truth.  But I have found that the darkness can be a mirror as well.

For if the light is certainty, the darkness is uncertainty.  And I have found that uncertainty is often minted in greater quantity.

It’s in times of darkness (this time both literal and figurative) that you find out what you really are.  Anyone can be bold and brash in the daylight.  But the sun goes down, it gets harder to see…and be seen.  What are we in these times when nobody’s looking?  Do we hold fast to our sense of honor and integrity?  Or perhaps we cheat a bit.  After all, it’s dark.  Nobody can see us. 

The darkness reminds us of what we fear.  Also not a bad thing.  We should have a healthy caution for what we cannot see, understand, or control.  But does the fear instruct you, or consume you? 

Yes, you can hide many things in the dark.  But you can never hide from yourself for long.  Eventually, the darkness forces you to look at things you’d rather not look at. 

Because there are times when we all feel small.  Alone.  Naked.  Afraid.  The question is not why… that part is inevitable.  The question is… what will you do with it?  What will you do in SPITE of it?  What will you be when all you want to do is cry, run, or vanish quietly into the earth?

This is the gift of the black, I think.  The opportunity to meet your frailties and weaknesses face-to-face… and by doing so, gaining power over them. 

It will be dark soon.  But that’s okay. 

-anoN

Throwing it up against the wall.

I won’t lie.  I was nervous about our session back in October.

Not that we don’t have the right chemistry.  We do.  It’s just that when you get that many artistic people in a room together, things can go off the rails.  Egos can get bruised.  Ideas can fly so fast and furious that nothing really ends up sticking.

That was the concern I had going into the first combined session for the next Shai Azul compilation.  I’ve been working with everyone in ones and twos for some months; this time, I wanted to get everyone together in the same room.

On Mirror Darkly, I introduced the vocal parts to the singers in the morning and we cut the tunes in the afternoon.  With this go-around, I wanted more of their input.  Just because I came up with the melody doesn’t mean that it’s the best idea for the tune.  I’ve always known this.  But knowing it and giving the singers time to wrap their vocal chords around it are two different things.  It was also a first to have pretty much the whole band there… Tanya, Oily, Anthony, Vic, and Chris.  All we were missing was Kelly.  Something about small children needing attention or some such thing. 

I shouldn’t have been concerned.  I couldn’t have asked for a better idea session. 

We kicked off at around 10 am with just myself, Tanya, and Chris.  We set the rhythm for the day with the first song; spending some time listening to the tune, me singing the melody (big thanks to Tara W, my vocal coach, for giving me more training and confidence than I have ever had), and then turning the singer loose for about an hour.  As more people showed up, more conversations and ideas were thrown around.  But rather than just being a chaotic jumble, it seemed like every idea was a touchstone for forward motion. 

In fact, at one point, there were six of us working on one song. Vic, with tremendous artistic humility, said “Guys, I don’t know where to take this.”  You don’t often hear someone say that about their own tune.  So we all dived in.   And the song turned out better than we could have imagined for it. 

Lather, rise, repeat.  9 songs later we had gotten through the whole disc (or as much of it as we were going to get done that day). 

We now have a disc full of vocal ideas.  Sorry, you don’t get to hear any of it yet.  We used the time as a musical sketchpad rather than trying to get melodies set in stone.  So if I played it for you it would sound pretty scattered and random.  We got what we wanted - tons of ideas and direction.  It’s taking longer than I hoped, yah.  But this is all about making the best music we can.  If it takes longer, it takes longer. 

The work is in the vocalists’ court for a season.  And I am glad for the break. 

This disc is gonna kill. 

-anoN 

Space

Sorry about the silence.  Been kinda busy recently.  Took on a temp job which should run through the end of May 2011.  Hey, the recording won’t pay for itself.  And it’s actually a good time for this since right now the bulk of the development work is with the singers.  Has been liberating to save all the musical data to hard disk and put it away…in advance of the next project.  And there will be more.

The job is a good one; helping out with event planning, logistics, and management.  It stretches an existing skill set and adds new ones.  I like the people I work with and I still have time (although less) to do Shai Azul stuff. 

Thing is that it’s about 20 miles away, and I hate driving.

I take that back.  I like driving.  Some of my most recent fond memories are of long trips in the trailer down to SoCal.  I hate COMMUTING.  That ever so vexing time of day when everyone is trying to get to the same place as you.  Right now, it takes me about 50 minutes from my front door to theirs. Less than 22 miles. Blech. 

Now, I think I may have a plan.  There’s a bus that gets close enough to the office.  So the present plan is to ride the bike to downtown Seattle (about 6 miles), lock it up at this really neat bike storage place/shop, walk 2 blocks to the bus stop, and let Metro worry about everything else.  It will add about 40 minutes to the commute, but I’ll get exercise and won’t be burning gas.  All good things. 

I was reminded, though, as I rode the route this week, of the general lack of awareness people seem to have regarding the physical space they occupy.

Lest you think I am just calling out vehicle drivers, I have noticed this of pedestrians and cyclists as well.  I have been run over equally by things with 2 wheels, 4 wheels, and boots. 

I am not sure whether this is a Seattle thing, an American thing, or just a people thing.  Maybe we’re just used to having a lot of (literal) space here in the west.  Or maybe it’s just that we’re a busy people; lots going on in our heads.  It takes us out of the here and now, perhaps distracts us. 

Whatever the case may be, it’s oftentimes a little disconcerting to be on my bike and to see a car/pedestrian/what have you and to know, from personal experience, that all of my lights, reflectors, wild gesticulations, slowing down, and vocal prompts of “Passing on the left, please!” will go unheeded.  And one of us is going to have to make a drastic yield.  It’s usually me. 

Hey, I’m not perfect at this either. I am guilty of spatial cluelessness as well.  But being a cyclist has made me far more aware of my surroundings.  It’s also made me aware that BEING aware of one’s surroundings isn’t something that comes naturally to such as us who to live where we do, when we do. 

Let’s make a deal.  I will watch out for you.  You watch out for me.  Cool?

Cool. 

 -anoN

For the 50th Time…

By the time this goes out, we will have had our first studio session with (almost) everyone.  I hope to be able to report good things about that. 

However, before we get there, there’s a teeny thing I needed to do.  Finish up all my instrumental tracks.

One of them just about killed me, I won’t lie.

Funny thing is that it’s really not that difficult a riff.  It’s a repetitive 16-bar guitar hook.  It only happens twice.  So you think it wouldn’t be that hard.  But it’s the dominant part of the song it’s in.  It has to start strong and end stronger.  On a technical side, it also requires a fairly quick alteration between palm muting and picking.  So it’s not just bashing out slop chords, but it’s also not Flight of the Bumblebee.  Should be doable. 

And for the life of me I could NOT get it right.  Something was always missing in the performance.  A missed mute here, a wrong note there.  I added up the time usage while I was taking a frustrated break.  I had tried and failed to get the riff recorded correctly 50 times. 

So what do you do when you’ve blown it for the 50^th time?

Play it for the 51^st time.  Or however many times you need to so you can get it right. Or maybe even swallow your pride and re-evaluate the part.  Because that’s what it means to be a professional.  The whole is more important than any one part.  Get over yourself that you’re not a hot guitar player and serve the tune, anoN.

In this case, serving the tune was to simplify the riff down to the parts that were cool and iconic and jettison everything else.  6 takes later it was done.  And you will never miss the other notes. They weren’t really required. 

You know what?  Sometimes doing what you love really sucks.  It doesn’t make it any less cool that you get to do it.  But just because you love it doesn’t guarantee pure joy; sometimes it’s just soul-sapping work.  Just because you love it doesn’t immediately make you a master of it.  And it doesn’t always mean it comes out the way you envisioned it. 

That’s not weird.  That’s life. 

For the record, the guitar line that nearly did me in is the main verse hook from “House of Cards”.  That song should be out in the next 6 months.  And yes, you probably could have done it better. 

-anoN

Something for everyone to find fault with.

(Written Monday, Sept 20)

It’s one of those days in the Northwest where if you don’t like the weather, just wait a few minutes.  Recording is on hold for one day; fatigued ears need some time off. I am presently working on the louder, faster songs.  They are more challenging to play, and tonally there’s more distortion and jagged edges.  More complex+more abrasive tonality=lots of time spent making it right and tired ears even when recording at a relatively low decibel level. 

It has been a good reminder, however, in how varied this upcoming compilation is. 

It’s not a huge departure from Mirror Darkly. True, most of it falls in the 100-140bpm industrial pop/rock vein.  I suppose it’s more of an evolution, with wider bookends.  The mellow stuff is more chill; the harder stuff is more intense.  Example.  The song that’s blown out my ears is over 200 bpm when you take into account the double time drum signature.  It’s based around a fast, chuggy guitar riff and a relentless beat.  The topic of the song is betrayal, usury, and revenge.  It’s brutal all the way around.  On the other side is an atmospheric, largely electronica tune clocking in at 91bpm.  The song initially started as a personal challenge to write about a topic that’s often a rock and roll cliché. When I sent it to Tanya for her comment, it was couched with “Does this sound too much like a Christian worship song?”  She laughed and assured me I was in no such danger.  But even the topic – alright, fine, it’s a love song – is a bit of a departure from the more angsty, aggressive lyrics our songs usually have.

And in the middle?  More. More guitars.  More keyboards. More drums.  More harmonies.  More riffs.  More space.  More atmosphere.  More turmoil.  More defiance.  More hope. 

More paradox. 

I can already hear industry professionals shaking their heads and telling us to focus.  Do one thing really well.  Paradox doesn’t sell.  Neither does a compilation that goes from blast beats to synth drums; from hard-edged male vocals to delicate female performance. 

They’re not wrong about this, you know.  You won’t be hearing Lady Gaga doing jazz standards anytime soon.  Even though I’m sure she can. 

I also know that it wasn’t too long ago that Led Zeppelin could put “Stairway to Heaven”, “Going to California”, and “When the Levee Breaks” on the same album.  3 different songs, 3 different styles.  All clearly one band.  And they weren’t the only ones doing this kind of thing. 

We’re not Led Zeppelin.  But we are a band of a lot of contributors and a lot of emotions.  Only makes sense that the music would reflect that in the aggregate. 

It would surprise me if everyone liked every song on the compilation.  But that’s okay.  You can always skip over the songs you don’t like. 

Besides.  I would rather that you hate a tune or two than lose interest less than halfway through. 

-anoN